


damage control

by faerietell



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Matchmaking, Community: kakasaku, EVERYONE - Freeform, F/M, No Uchiha Massacre, Slice of Life, everyone suffers, naruto decides sasuke and sakura should date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-05-01 21:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerietell/pseuds/faerietell
Summary: Kakashi unwillingly agrees to help Naruto with his latest scheme: get Sasuke (socially awkward goal-oriented egomaniac) and Sakura (lonely politically-inclined workaholic) together.He doesn't expect to fall in love. Seriously, he doesn't.





	1. shinobi handbook revisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule #306: Naruto’s ideas are always bad ideas.

It was a late summer afternoon in Konoha, and sunlight filtered through the deep green leaves, only beginning to rust into oranges and reds. Kakashi ran his thumb along the spine of _Icha Icha Violence_ , his gaze intent with the sort of concentration he reserved only for sparring with Naruto (out of pity, really, no one else wanted to spar with him anymore) or in the field. He preferred _Icha Icha Paradise_ , but this had always been one of his favorite scenes.

  


_“Don’t you dare leave me.” Akina liked to clutch the sheets to her every morning, face heating up when she saw him next to her as if they hadn’t learned each other the night before. There was none of that now, no quiet smile, no sakura-tinted blushes. The sheets had fallen to her waist, and she made no move to pick it up._

 

_She was Akina. She was his love._

 

_“I’m coming back,” he promised, picking up his sword. “I won’t leave you.”_

 

_“I’m not your helpless bride,” she slid out of bed, reaching for him. “I did not marry you to darn your clothes and raise your children.”_

 

_He ran his fingers through her hair, down her skin, resting on her hip. “Akina, I… ”_

  


“Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!”

 

He would tell Naruto that he was no longer his sensei, but it hadn’t worked the previous hundred or so times he reminded him. “Quiet, Naruto,” he raised a finger to his masked mouth. “Sakura’s sleeping.”

 

“Oh,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “Right.”

 

Sakura hadn’t told him this, but he knew his past student well enough to figure her out. She had declared ‘book club’ because she thought he was lonely (and it was true, but he didn’t mind it). Sakura claimed she needed intellectual stimulation (this was also probably true). But most of the time, she was too tired to read, and it ended up being Kakashi-read-smut-and-Sakura-took-a-nap club.

 

He liked it. Even if she was only sleeping, he liked the company.

 

“Maa, what is it?”

 

“I forget,” Naruto scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I just saw you… “

 

Sakura mumbled in her sleep, beginning to slide over towards him. He carefully pushed her back where she was. Kakashi had no desire to be her pillow.

 

“She’s kind of lonely, isn’t she?” Naruto observed, sitting back on the grass.

 

He glanced over at her. Her nose was scrunched up, and there was a bit of drool on the corner of her lips. “Probably. She works hard.”

 

Naruto started to grin. “I sort of had an idea… ”

 

He opened his book again. “No.”

 

“C’mon! Sensei!”

 

“Your ideas are always bad ideas.” While this wasn’t in the shinobi handbook, as Hokage, Kakashi was planning on making the addition before he retired. That or drafting a law.

 

_Rule #306: Naruto’s ideas are always bad ideas._

 

_Rule #307: There cannot be more than one ramen stand per every five street corners._

 

_Rule #308: Sasuke and Naruto cannot spend more than an hour in the same space while within Konoha’s borders._

 

Maybe a chapter dedicated to Naruto damage control would do.

 

“But you know I’m right!” Naruto wheedled. “She’s busy with hospital stuff… And she’s on the council now, so she’s got political stuff… ”

 

“You’re lucky she has no interest in being Hokage,” Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “You should get more involved in the _political stuff_.”

 

“You probably put her off it,” he grinned widely. “Listen, it’s a good idea! Sakura and Sasuke should… date!”

 

He leaned back, beaming like he was expecting to be praised for his brilliant idea.

 

“Sasuke’s sort of socially awkward… ” Kakashi pointed out. “He has that weird Itachi complex.”

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t care for all his previous students (a grand total of three), but he knew their flaws. Naruto was hyperactive and overly idealistic, still too naive, still afraid he was a monster. Sasuke was antisocial and had a single-minded obsession with being a shinobi equal to his brother. Sakura was aggressive and insecure, desperate to both match the capabilities of her teammates and to strike out on her own.

 

“Oh, yeah, true,” Naruto nodded. “What about Itachi?”

 

“That’s not an improvement.” Itachi was too much like himself without the years to mellow him out. He was a prodigy turned genius, and he had the expectations of a clan. “And she doesn’t need to deal with Uchiha politics.”

 

“Gaara?”

 

“It’ll be you dealing with any diplomatic issues that arise, Naruto.”

 

“Neji?”

 

Sakura was a nice girl with a good heart. Kakashi sighed. “Pick someone… kind. Gai two or something.”

 

“You still don’t know his name, dya?”

 

There was no real reason to. They wore the same clothes, and they attempted to look as alike as possible without being genetically related.

 

“Tenten?” Kakashi tried. As soon as he suggested the name, he realized he was too late. Without trying to be, he was somehow embroiled into Naruto’s latest scheme.

 

“I know her _type_ , Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto assured him. “It’s brooding… dark… people.”

 

It was true that Naruto would know more than he would. Kakashi was Sakura’s old mentor and distant friend, but Naruto and Sakura had always been inseparable. Besides, the best he could ever do with Naruto was damage control. “Maa, okay, Sasuke.”

 

“Believe it!” Naruto fist-pumped, grinning gleefully. “This is gonna be _great_ , Kakashi-sensei!”

 

“Be quiet,” he sighed, turning back to his book. Sakura must have really been tired to have slept through all this. Maybe he should give her a mandatory vacation? He dismissed the idea right after he had it. If he didn’t get a vacation, why should Sakura?

 

“I can help you out too!” Naruto continued in a loud whisper. “I don’t know your type though… People like Tsunade? That’s what Ero-sennin based Junko off. Anko?”

 

“I’ll wake up Sakura,” Kakashi threatened, calmly flipping a page. They may be years older, but Naruto hadn’t stopped fearing her wrath. Neither did he, frankly, but he had been their sensei. Sort of. Sometimes. He had good days.

  


_Junko cupped the other woman’s face, brushing violet-dusted bruises with a gentleness she had long forgotten. “He did this to you?”_

 

_“Yes and no,” said Akina. “He left me. He did that to me. These… they don’t matter. That wasn’t him, but it was because of him.”_

 

_“Helpful as always,” she rolled her eyes, kissing her mouth briefly. She still tasted of spring blossoms and early mornings, but she was no longer an innocent. Junko had long known war, but she had never wanted her old friend to know it too. To be touched so. To be bruised. But war was indiscriminate, violent, and violating._

 

_“Help me find him,” she pleaded._

 

_“Always, darling,” Junko’s green eyes narrowed. “I’ll find him for you. You see, I’m looking for someone myself.”_

  


“Kakashi?” Sakura yawned, rubbing her eyes blearily. Somehow, she looked even more tired than before with those reddened eyes and the messy pink hair.

 

He couldn’t shake the thought. “Does Junko remind you of Tsunade?”

 

“What?” She blinked at him, confused and still half-asleep, before leaning over to glance at the page. “Oh, I like this part. Jiraiya really develops Junko as a character in this one.”

 

“So… she doesn’t?”

 

Sakura’s gaze turned to him, and she laughed gaily. “Sometimes you’re so _cute!_ ” She patted his cheek patronizingly, and he swatted her hand away, annoyed.

 

“How could I have known that?” Kakashi was generally detail-oriented, but  _Icha Icha_ had always been a blind spot of his. 

 

“Junko’s a blonde woman with big breasts who starts out as a small town healer and trains to become a fighter. It’s a smutty love letter.” She smiled, a little sadly, and Kakashi knew her pain. He did nothing to comfort her, but he didn’t have to. He knew she missed his mentor, and she knew he missed Jiraiya.

 

“But Junko’s eyes are green,” he maintained.

 

“Well, he couldn’t be that obvious, could he?” Sakura asked, stretching her arms out.

 

Kakashi’s eyes followed the motion. “Jiraiya doesn’t write himself into it.” Now that he saw Junko in this frame, his mind quickly searched for other connections, other figures. But while there was a Dan, a Nawaki, there was no Jiraiya.

 

“Makes it even sadder, doesn’t it?” Sakura said before sniffing the air. “Was Naruto here?”

 

“Yes,” he returned to his book. “He’s picked up a new hobby.”

 

“That’s never a good thing,” Sakura sighed. “What is it this time? He killed so many tomato plants. I felt bad for Sasuke, really. I told him that gardening takes patience… “

 

Kakashi offered her a charming smile that she couldn’t quite see. “Maa, I forgot.”

 

She glared at him. “You’re _so_ annoying.”  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! so many of my favorite fics have updated recently, so i've been in the kakasaku mood with no actual time. so, i'm attempting a slice of life, short chapter sort of thing (since i have a bad habit of long chapters and take forever to finish) (i do have another longer work in the works but later)! i won't get too in detail with the setting and such since it'll all sort of make sense with time, but i hope you guys like!


	2. dorayaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, no. He didn’t get to pull the charming past mentor thing on her this time. “You’re the one who wanted us to stop calling you sensei,” Sakura reminded him, pushing past him to slam her fridge shut.

“ _ Stop  _ breaking into my  _ fucking apartment,”  _ Sakura’s fists clenched at her sides. She had come home after an exhausting shift at the hospital, sleep deprived and weary to her bones only to see her previous sensei rooting through her fridge. Kakashi didn’t even eat properly, and the last time she gave him a check-up she could see his  _ ribs _ , so what the hell was he doing? 

 

“Mah, so cruel to your poor sensei,” Kakashi crinkled an eye at her. 

 

Oh, no. He didn’t get to pull the charming past mentor thing on her this time. “You’re the one who wanted us to stop calling you sensei,” Sakura reminded him, pushing past him to slam her fridge shut. She didn’t really want him to see her takeout leftovers and milk. 

 

“I didn’t think you’d be so thorough about it,” he complained, following her to the living room. “Where’s the respect?” 

 

“What did you teach me again?” She snapped. “Wait, oh, yeah, you handed me off to Tsunade first chance you got.” 

 

There was a pause, and Sakura immediately regretted it.

 

She hadn’t  _ meant  _ to say that, but she was so, so tried, and she didn’t know how to deal with this strange, weird relationship she had with Kakashi. She didn’t know how to feel, and yeah, part of her still felt like an insecure girl of twelve who was rejected by her first mentor. Who wasn’t good enough. Who still could never be good enough. 

 

“Sakura — ”

 

“No,” she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” 

 

“Wait, about — ”

 

“I’m going to my room!” Sakura’s voice pitched higher, whirling around to head for her bedroom door. “You can help yourself to whatever’s in my fridge! Or pantry!”

 

She shut the door and locked it (which wouldn’t really stop Kakashi, but it gave her some measure of peace) before sinking into bed, pulling the duvet over her face. She was so, so stupid with no damn filter. He didn’t deserve that being thrown back into his face. Sakura didn’t even know why she couldn’t bring herself to hear him out.

 

Maybe she just wasn’t willing to forgive him yet. 

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said. 

 

She didn’t draw back the duvet. “Stop entering through my bedroom window. It’s weird.”

 

The mattress shifted, and she could sense him sitting next to her. “I should have apologized for that a long time ago. I… was never supposed to be any sort of teacher, really. I didn’t know how to connect with you. I understood Naruto and Sasuke, but I was afraid of ruining you.” 

 

“Kakashi,” she murmured, attempting to sit up, but he placed a hand on the top of her head, stilling her movements. 

 

“Let me get through this without looking at you, alright?” 

 

Sakura understood him enough to concede. 

 

“And maybe, by doing what I did, I ruined you a little anyway. I’m sorry for that, Sakura. These aren’t meant to be excuses. You were my responsibility, and I failed you.” He coughed. “So, yeah. I’m done now.” 

 

She sat up, duvet dropping to her waist, and this time, he didn’t stop her. “It’s my turn now. No one  _ ruined  _ me, Kakashi. I made my own choices. And I guess… I’ve always been a little insecure. I didn’t want to ever say it like that. I’m just tired and… I don’t know.” 

 

“I don’t have to tell you this because you already know,” he told her solemnly. “But you’re a very good shinobi, Sakura. And an ever better woman. Don’t apologize to me.” 

 

Sakura didn’t need his validation anymore. She didn’t need the pats on the head or the smiles or the Team 7 ramen dates. But for a split second, she was twelve again, and that was all she wanted to hear. “I do have to tell you this because I’m not sure you know. But you’re a very good man.” She cleared her throat. “Also, I want a hug.” 

 

“Is it because you’re about to cry? I already know that trick.” 

 

“Shut up,” she sniffed, and he held his arms open, and she immediately curled into his chest. Kakashi was hardly ever her teacher, only sometimes her mentor, and very often her friend — but he always felt like home. 

 

He squeezed her back, and she felt a little like he needed that too. 

  
  
  
  


“She likes dorayaki,” Kakashi informed him. “And you owe me dinner.” 

 

“It’s not like you wouldn’t skip out on the bill  _ anyway _ ,” Naruto shrugged. “Was it so bad? Did you get caught?” 

 

No, it wasn’t that bad. 

 

“Are you done with this yet?” He asked. Why did it feel like he spent most of his life babysitting Naruto? Shouldn’t he be doing that for his  _ actual  _ children? 

 

“Not even close! Believe it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a v long day at retail and a v long weekend ahead, so i felt like a quick chapter! this got... much more emotional than i expected from a fluff/humor/romance story, but i can't help that kakasaku just have hidden emotional depths. lmk what you think! and thanks for all the comments as always <3 you guys are amazing <3


	3. training "date"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ugh.” She opened her eyes. “Why aren’t they here? What does Team Seven meeting mean to them? It’s not Sasuke-and-Sakura meeting!”

Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Sakura hadn’t been good at meditation at first, impatient to learn and desperate to catch up to her teammates, but she grew to understand its value. As a healer, she had to understand her body if she hoped to heal others. Patience. Kindness. Understanding. 

 

“ _ Ugh _ .” She opened her eyes. “Why aren’t they  _ here?  _ What does Team Seven meeting mean to them? It’s not Sasuke-and-Sakura meeting!” 

 

Sasuke opened one eye. “Maybe they’re just running late.” 

 

“Oh, you’re  _ fine _ ,” she gave up on meditation, slumping back onto the grass. “I gave up a girl date with Ino for this. She was going to tell me about her and this guy from Root, and it’s not so exciting for you, but I haven’t gotten laid  _ in weeks _ .” 

 

“Why do you feel the need to tell me everything?” Sasuke asked, closing his eyes again and placing his hands on his knees. 

 

“Because you tell me nothing, you asshole,” Sakura stretched her arms out, closing her eyes too. It was almost nice, a lazy wind tugging at her hair and the damp grass beneath her. Sasuke was the quietest member of Team Seven, but he was the least peaceful. 

 

She didn’t have to open her eyes to see the studied war on the lines of his face. She wondered if he would ever find some semblance of peace, of satisfaction. She stretched her chakra out, reaching for the long-limbed trees on the training ground, edging towards the paved pathway a mother and her child walked down, and — there was a flicker. 

 

She kept her voice low. “Naruto’s here.” 

 

“How do you know?” Sasuke asked. 

 

“He’s shit at keeping his chakra hidden for long.” 

 

“Yeah, true,” Sasuke said. “Let’s leave.” 

 

“Leave?” Sakura squeaked, sitting up. “No way. Let’s find him and beat him up.  _ Shannaro!”  _  No one got away with keeping her away from the intimate details of Ino’s sex life. 

 

“No, the dobe’s looking for some sort of reaction,” he reasoned. “If we just leave, it’ll be more disappointing for him.”

 

Sakura acknowledged this with a nod, but she couldn’t figure out what the hell Naruto wanted out of this. But she wasn’t ever likely to. No one understood how his mind worked, and she wasn’t going to drive herself insane trying.

 

They both got up and left. 

  
  
  
  


“Wake up!” Naruto shook him. “They just left! They didn’t even kiss! Or confess their hidden feelings for each other! It hasn’t even been ten minutes!” 

 

Kakashi looked at him with disgust. “You need to read more Icha Icha.” 

 

“I can’t  _ believe  _ — ” He paused, a whiskered grin stretching across his face. “Hey, good idea, Kakashi-sensei!” He bound off the tree and began to run through the grass, leaving his tired and old sensei to watch his vanishing figure. 

 

“That’s  _ not  _ what I meant,” he groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is pretty short but next chapter (or possibly next-next chapter) should definitely be fun! read, kudos, comments, i love it all.


	4. Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke gets a clue.

Being a talented medic-nin and Tsunade’s prodigy did little to free her from menial work (apparently, it was to keep her  _ grounded _ as if she had any danger of being egotistical with teammates like hers). So, she was carrying a teetering pile of medic kits when she bumped into Sasuke. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Sakura asked suspiciously. If her hands were free, she would surprise him with an exam right then and there. But they weren’t, so she had to settle for glaring at him. 

 

“I’m  _ fine _ , Sakura,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m just visiting my mother.” 

 

She softened. “How’s Mikoto-san? Open the supply closet for me, won’t you?”

 

“Fine, she’s — ” When he opened the closet, a sudden force propelled both of them inside, slamming the door behind them. 

 

“What  _ the fuck _ ?” Sakura banged at the door repeatedly, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the darkness. She couldn’t make out anything but Sasuke’s warmth next to her, and somehow, she wasn’t surprised when twisting the knob did nothing. 

 

“It was a wind jutsu,” said Sasuke.

 

“Great,” she crossed her arms. “Now can you do a  _ fire  _ jutsu and give us a little light?” 

 

“Don’t you know how to do one?” 

 

“Just  _ do it _ .” 

 

“Tch.” Still, a flicker of fire sprung to life between Sasuke’s fingertips a few seconds later, and the limited light illuminated the room, casting shadows onto the high shelves. “You do get the significance of a wind jutsu, don’t you?” 

 

“Don’t even say it.” Sakura began to pick up the medic kits she had dropped, shoving them back randomly on the shelves. 

 

“Naruto.” 

 

While ordinarily she would have a lot to say to that, her fingers skimmed over something unusual. Even in the light Sasuke provided, she couldn’t see enough. So she reached further into the shelf and picked it up. 

 

And shrieked and dropped it. 

 

“What?” Sasuke demanded. 

 

“Nothing!”

 

“Sakura… ”

 

“Let’s just say it’s happy to see me, okay?” Sakura snarled, banging at the door again. She didn’t want to know what else was on these shelves, and from Sasuke’s silence, he must have gotten the hint.

 

It was a long and humiliating two hours in a closet full of sex toys before Shizune finally stumbled upon them. 

  
  
  
  


 

Now this plan couldn’t go wrong. Two people with that much sexual tension stuck in a closet together couldn’t possibly hold out. Especially with the gifts Naruto had gotten them. Kakashi-sensei had told him he would have absolutely  _ nothing  _ to do with this one, but the old man would miss out on his success.

 

So now? Lie back and relax. 

 

He draped himself over his couch but before he could put on his favorite shinobi action movie, he was thrown back onto the floor, Sasuke pinning him down with a blade at his throat. 

 

“What the hell, teme?” 

 

“Stop trying to matchmake me and Sakura,” he warned. “It’s never going to happen.” 

 

Oh. So they had caught on, huh? 

 

Naruto shrugged. “Aw, don’t make such a big deal. Sakura-chan’s so lonely, and you’re perfect for her! She likes broody jerks, you’re a broody jerk. You like brooding, she likes reading quietly, which is almost the same thing.” 

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes and relinquished his grip, allowing Naruto to scramble back onto his feet. “You’re such a dumbass.” 

 

“Did Sakura figure it out too?” Naruto asked, disappointed. 

 

“No,” said Sasuke. “She just figured it was a stupid prank. Because we don’t  _ like each other.  _ She was  _ twelve _ .” 

 

He wrinkled his nose. “You were fifteen when you kissed her.” 

 

“I had an error in judgment!” Sasuke clenched his fists. “Whatever. The point is, dobe, if you actually want to match her up, you’re looking at the wrong person. We’re not interested in each other, and we never will be.” 

 

Naruto sighed. Back to the board then. He tried to go back to his previous suggestions when he brought it up to Kakashi-sensei that first day. 

 

Ah, right.

 

“Itachi?” 

 

“ _ No _ ,” Sasuke groaned. “Look, let me make it easy for you. Who is the one person Kakashi seeks out willingly?” 

 

“... Icha Icha isn’t a person, teme.” 

 

“No. No! Sakura! Why are all of you  _ blind?” _

 

Naruto recoiled. “No way! Why would Kakashi-sensei agree to help me then?”

 

It didn’t make any sense. Although Sakura had only been taught under Kakashi for less than a year, he was their team captain now. She wouldn’t ever be interested in some old man. Except Kakashi-sensei was pretty broody, and Sakura always liked talking about  _ mature men _ , whatever that meant. 

 

And Kakashi-sensei… He did actually talk to Sakura. They had their weird book club meetings, and Sakura had been the first person to figure out where he lived. Kakashi had even bet that Sakura would see him without his mask first, which was plain cheating, but Sakura was his favorite. 

 

“Huh. Huh… ”

 

“It’s physically painful to watch you try to think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!! <3


End file.
